The Cheating Spouse Revenge Syndrome
When your spouse cheats and hurts you badly, there is a tendency to have the cheating spouse revenge spirit in you. It is one of the common reactions to that unfairness as you scheme to get even. It is also a natural defense mechanism against the vulnerability that you have as a human being. We have seen people with a cheating spouse resorting to having affair themselves. For some, it is a way to hit back at the spouse.
We have also come across people who poison the mind of their kids against the cheating spouse. They speak badly about the cheating parent in a way that makes him seem like a worthless individual, not deserving of any love from the children. Then, there are others who simply make life extremely difficult for the cheating spouse and the other person in the affair using various ways and means to do so.
Fairness
Getting even is all about trying to right an unjust. You have been hurt and your spouse who cheated cannot be getting away unpunished. The guilty must be penalized in some way because there must be a sense of fairness. This is how the cheating spouse revenge feeling is triggered. How can a cheater be let off scott free while you, who are in pain, are left in an emotional mess? It’s not fair!
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True, but life isn’t always fair. You have to accept that. If you want to save your marriage when cheating has occured, then you cannot possibly demand for fairness. You cannot send a message to your spouse that because you have hurt me, you deserved to be hurt back so that you know how it feels like. The foundation of your marriage must be based on acceptance, grace and forgiveness if you want it to thrive again, not a demand for fairness. You cannot have the cheating spouse revenge spirit residing in you if you want your marriage to continue on a firmer and happier footing.
Healing
The other reason for avoiding the fairness game is for your own personal growth. You need to heal and getting revenge on a cheating spouse won’t make you any happier in the long run. An injustice has been done but you need to move forward. And you can’t do so if you are always thinking of getting revenge to right whatever wrong that has been done to you. It is hard bearing a grudge because you will end up being a bitter person if you refuse to let go.
Relationship and love can be complex. Because your spouse has cheated, it results in emotional pain. Since it affects you deeply, the cheating and injustice are magnified. You will feel that your spouse is totally to be blamed and he is not being fair for treating you this way. But, sometimes, what you fail to see is your own weaknesses that contributed to the problems at home and provided the motivation for your spouse’s infidelity.
That’s where getting even and demanding fairness will get you. Having the cheating spouse revenge syndrome minimizes your own weaknesses as you concentrate on the faults of your spouse. You will only see the wrong that has been done to you but you won’t see your own faults that contributed to the problem. It will be hard to heal and grow if you only know how to look at the fault of your spouse but not your own.
