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Common Reasons For Cheating In A Marriage

admin — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 02:37:50 +0000

There are a few common reasons for cheating in a marriage although in most cases, people often have no intention to cheat on their spouse when they took their wedding vows. However, by nature, human beings are complex. Our emotions are complex. They are also difficult to control at times that cheating happens when it is least expected by the betrayed spouse. While the reasons for cheating are many, some are also inter-related with one factor affecting another.

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Forming Attachment

This can happen when familiarity and attachment are formed with someone outside the marriage. In fact, many co-workers end up having extra-marital affairs because they see each other daily which gives them an opportunity to talk and understand each other. Care and attachment result and an affair begins. In other words, if you see someone frequent enough with lots of time being just two of you together, it becomes incredibly easy to forget all your vows and commitments.

Sexual Need

Alternatively, it can be because of sexual desire that pushes a partner to cheat. All it takes is a meeting with someone who can arouse your spouse and cheating occurs. It may sound corny but people have been known to risk much to fulfill a sexual need.

Intense Emotions

Basically, a spouse cheats because his or her emotions become too intense to control that rationality flies out the window. When sexual desire, love or attachment for someone else is overpowering, the need to stay faithful gets lost among the raw emotions.

Of course, the main contributing factor that gives rise to these intense emotions is often problems in the marriage. For instance, problems and unhappiness at home can influence your spouse’s emotions and made him or her vulnerable to form an attachment with someone else.

However, there are also cases whereby people simply didn’t see it coming because they are no obvious problems in the relationship. As a spouse, you have to realize that it does not necessarily mean there must be constant fights in your marriage before cheating would happen. Sometimes, it can merely be a general feeling of unhappiness or boredom in your spouse that you failed to detect which caused him or her to stray.

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Unfaithful Spouse In A Marriage

admin — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 03:08:06 +0000

When you get married, you certainly don’t expect to end up with an unfaithful spouse. There are bound to be expectations of how your spouse should perform and act and this would naturally include a sense of loyalty and faithfulness on top of a host of other characteristics and behaviors that you think a spouse should possess.

However, while being faithful is necessary for a happy marriage, it is not something that you can automatically demand from your spouse. The dynamics of a relationship shifts over time and love and affection can take a backseat in the face of daily pressures. People tend to forget that a marriage needs constant hard work for it to flourish and not many are up to the task which contributes to the unfaithful spouse problem.

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Your Spouse Have Needs

In many marriages, feelings and circumstances change over time and so, you cannot expect your spouse to always feel the same way towards you. If your relationship with your spouse is lacking in intimacy or drifting apart, you cannot expect your spouse not to look for those emotional needs elsewhere. Similarly, if both of you have disconnected mentally, physically and emotionally, cheating may occur to fill those voids missing in your spouse’s life.

So, it’s not realistic to hold on to the belief that a spouse should not cheat, no matter the circumstances. Of course, we like to think that once people have taken their wedding vows, cheating has no place in a marriage. The truth is that people have emotional and physical needs to make them feel happy, contented, complete and fulfilled. If one of those things or more are missing in your spouse’s life, cheating can happen. It’s just a matter of whether he meets the right person at the right time for an affair to begin and turns into an unfaithful spouse.

Begin Healing

The point of this article is if you are the betrayed party, don’t keep holding on to the thought that your spouse should not have cheated at all. Don’t think that just because both of you have taken a vow, you can demand faithfulness at all times under all circumstances. Understand the reasons why he became an unfaithful spouse instead of feeling bitter that he has cheated. Otherwise, if you keep harping on the issue that your spouse should not cheat, you would not be able to take that first step towards acceptance and forgiveness.

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Why Spouses Cheat

admin — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 09:15:22 +0000

When cheating occurs, the first and one of the most common reactions that the victims have is to throw the cheaters out. There is little motivation to know why spouses cheat and see the other point of view. For the betrayed partner, it seems better to get the cheater out of her life because there is no place for such a person in it. A spouse who cheats is a “bad” spouse who doesn’t deserve any understanding and sympathy from you.

But is your spouse a really “bad” spouse if he has indeed had an affair? Should you understand him more and learn why spouses cheat before you decide to leave for good? Don’t you want to know what type of affair he is having? What if your marriage can be healed even if infidelity has occurred?

Dealing with an affair in a marriage is one of those cross-roads of life. If you need help deciding which way to turn and want to understand more in order to heal, you can try reading Mira Kirshenbaum’s When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships.

If you are not sure whether to spend your money on this book, just read through the reviews and you will get an idea what the contents are all about. Although this book is actually aimed at the cheaters rather than the betrayed partners, it is a good read to try to understand why it happened.

Some of the advice in the book is controversial. That is probably the downside to this book because not everyone can accept advices that skid the edge of morality. But this is also what makes this book a worthwhile read. That you can’t always judge things as strictly black and white. In life, there will always be shades of grey.

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Reason For Infidelity

admin — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 03:54:06 +0000

A very common reason for infidelity given by cheaters is that their needs are not being met at home. Because their spouses are not giving them what they want and desire, they feel that it is their “right” to get what they are missing at home from someone else. Even if they don’t view it as a “right”, they will say that it just happened because the opportunity was there. They don’t work hard enough to get out of temptation’s way because those unmet needs from their spouses provide the motivation to get the fulfilment they want.

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Temptation As Reason For Infidelity

Going by today’s standards, the common response to problems at home is to seek comfort elsewhere because solving whatever dissatisfaction in a marriage is hard work. Just think about your own situation for a minute. If your spouse is unhappy with you for whatever reason, do you make it easy for him to let you know what is troubling him? Do you listen and try to improve your behavior or do you become defensive and bring out his weaknesses in retaliation? Or perhaps, you simply keep quiet but sulk thereafter without thinking through if what he says has an ounce of truth? From here, you can see why the quality of a relationship can easily be one of the common reasons for infidelity in a marriage.

Basically, if your spouse is unhappy at home but doesn’t know how to approach you for a solution or is at a loss of how to improve the situation, that makes it hard for him to resist the temptation of an affair. It doesn’t mean it’s right to cheat no matter what the reason for infidelity may be but it’s a fact that people do it because they feel strongly about those unmet needs in their marriages.

Of course, you can say that in a lot of cases, cheaters don’t try hard enough to improve their marriages and their spouses’ behavior towards them before jumping into an affair. But if it helps you to feel better, relationships that begin because of problems at home usually don’t last. That is why there is always a chance that a marriage can be saved even when cheating has occurred.

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The 15 Biggest Mistakes People Make When Trying To Rescue Their Relationship AND What To Do Instead…

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Find out the common mistakes… you’re bound to be making at least one or more of them

Discover what is equally, if not more important than sex in a relationship

Learn valuable tips for settling arguments

Uncover the reason why we play the blame game and how to avoid it

Know what to do when your partner is uncooperative

Plus much more in my Relationship free newsletter series.

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